Saturday, December 27, 2014

Milta hai chain sachchai se

I have always known my father as a strict disciplinarian who believes in punctuality and following rules. Truthfulness is another virtue that he has always inculcated in me . He speaks the truth and expects the same of me . These are some of the ground rules that describe the basis of  my relationship with him. However besides his tough exterior is a caring  doting father who always wants to protect me from all ills of this world. One day on my college notice board I saw a circular announcing a training program and expedition for rock climbing and trekking expedition. My friends were very excited by the news. The free spirited  adventurer within me told me that this was a camp just for someone like me. However there was another voice in my heart that said that I would not get permission from my father to attend the camp. It was to be a ten day camp. Away from my city on the foothills of the Aravali  range.
Undeterred by the thought that my father may reject my idea of going on this expedition I began thinking of how to break the news to him. As a preparation for the camp I starting going for a jog to remain fit. Then  I saw another  circular on the college notice board. This time it was about an educational tour to south India. This got me thinking, what if I took permission from my father for this education tour and instead went for the rock climbing and trekking expedition? This way I will get the permission from my father and I would be able to pursue my desire of following my heart and taking part in the adventure activity. So I did two things first I showed him the circular for the educational tour to south India and got his permission and secondly I signed the consent form for attending the adventure camp on my fathers behalf. At that moment I did not realize that by not telling my father the truth I was only trying to fool myself. Maybe telling this half truth and concealing my intentions from my father was a way of running away from the truth and  making peace with myself at that point of time. When the time came I packed my bags and reached college and as I had decided earlier instead on going on the educational trip, joined the group that was going to attend the adventure camp.
There is something about not telling the truth that we seldom realize, that before we tell a lie to someone else we have to lie to ourselves. This lie pricks us at some level of consciousness. That is just what happened with me as well. The day after we reached the camp we had a  rope climbing activity. As I had been exercising regularly and preparing for this camp I excelled in this activity. Normally whenever I excel in anything my parents and specially my father is the person with whom I want to share the news. However this time it was not possible as I was even hiding the fact from him that I was in an adventure camp. Next day I did even better and came out as a clear winner in all the activities. However instead of feeling happy about my victory and performance. I was only feeling down. What if my father came to know about my escapade then what will happen and how would he react.
The  voice within me rebuked me for not having told my father the truth. It was a strange suffocating feeling that is so hard to describe. The joy of the adventure camp was lost for me . By the third day I could not even concentrate on the activity and by the time the night came I was very tired both physically and also due to mental self nagging. Despite having done very well at the camp I was fed up of my internal tussle and turmoil. I could not sleep and ended up calling up my father.
Just as he picked up the phone he enquired how my education trip was going on. Mustering courage I told him the truth. Mentally I prepared to get a good scolding on the phone itself. However to my surprise he was calm and asked me why had I decided to give him this information now. I told him as to how my conscience had been pricking me and I was not able to eat ,drink and sleep well and how the joy of the camp had been lost for me. There was a loving warmth in his voice as he asked me to enjoy the camp. Just telling him everything had made me feel so light as if a great burden had been removed from my head . I had experienced the result of telling a lie and right then I was revelling in the sunshine which truth brings, and I was bright and carefree. That day I had learnt an important lesson of my life that truth gives you peace of mind i.e Kitna chain hota hai na sachchai mein

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